![]() ![]() I’m sure it was probably the worst sex she’d ever had. So, not only was it my first time, but I also couldn’t FEEL anything. Then, after a few minutes, I realize that it’s not that it doesn’t feel awesome, it’s that I don’t feel anything at all. Like you spent your teen years imagining what it actually feels like, and then you’re finally there, with a REALLY hot chick and it’s like meeeeeeh. Note that not all devices support these icons.“The first thing I noticed was that it didn’t feel nearly as awesome as I had imagined. Here are some icons you can copy and paste into your flair. You are welcome to display additional information. This can be done by clicking the community options expander arrow above, clicking the edit button, selecting one of the gender defaults, and then adding your age or age range. Members are encouraged, but not required, to use flair to display their gender and age. We will require a copy of your IRB/REB approval or exemption letter. If you are interested in posting a survey, please message the mods. Sex Surveys must have mod approval or they will be removed. If you are interested in doing an AMA, please message the mods so we can approve and schedule the AMA. If you're new to the sub please take a moment to look at them before commenting or posting.Īll AMAs must have mod approval or they will be removed. How can I fix this specific issue and the broader dynamic?Ĭommunity rules and useful links are listed in the Wiki. Avoiding it makes me feel like my problems are less important than hers. Talking about it makes her feel like sex is an intimidating problem instead of a source of joy. TL DR: Neither of us like sex anymore: she doesn’t wanna do what I like when I ignore my unmet wants to focus on hers, she doesn’t like that. My question for y’all: What can I try next to fix this? How can I fulfill my responsibilities as a selfless partner without giving up on the idea that my problems are worth addressing (as opposed to breaking up because it’s not worth trying to fix, or accepting the idea that a “good man” wouldn’t have these issues in the first place)? How do I communicate my concerns so that she feels empowered to address them, instead of feeling bad that these problems exist in the first place? If we address hers (focus on having light and fun sex without any problem-solving), it reproduces my issuues (I’m roleplaying to make her happy, not because I enjoy it). If we address my concerns (talking about what I want from sex), it reproduces her issues (she feels like she can’t meet my needs sex isn’t fun). The current, unsustainable status quo: I don’t know what to do EXCEPT avoid sex entirely. In this situation, I wanted us to figure out how to make sex more fun for me, but now I need to make sex less daunting for her. When I have a problem with her, she gets frustrated that she doesn’t know how to fix it, or the conversation becomes about a problem she has with me that I then apologize and solve. Instead of fixing anything, these talks reinforce the issues: for me, the feeling that sex is a time for me to meet her needs but not a time for mine (whether it’s because we don’t touch each other the way I want to be touched or because a conversation about my needs becomes one in which I console her) for her, the insecurity that she is not a good partner (whether it’s because I’m less enthusiastic about sex or because these conversations turn sex into a high-stakes, unsolvable problem rather than a source of joy).īroader context: Between this and other issues, I’m increasingly frustrated by an unequal relationship dynamic: when she has a problem with me, I apologize, then brainstorm and propose solutions. They all end with her crying or frustrated and me apologizing and making a plan to make things better. ![]() New problems: All of our sex conversations lately are heavy and emotional instead of light and fun. So now we have extended conversations where I try to put my desires into words and translate those into actionable tasks for her. The 1st solution: Since the things I’ve already asked for are off the table, the only things left that I want are things I haven’t found the words for yet. Her issue: She doesn’t like feeling like I’m only having sex for her benefit. Since there are fewer and fewer wants I can get fulfilled, the only reasons left to have sex are to make her happy. My issue: I’m less interested in sex because she’s uninterested in things I like that I’ve already asked for (I’m not gonna pressure into changing her mind). I haven’t told her I’m writing this post but she’s aware of every detail I describe. We’re both 30, together 6 years, currently engaged and living together. ![]()
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